Life As Buffy Summers
by MiaCulpa
Summary: You know. If you want to get out of getting married there's noone better to talk you through it (or out of it)than Buffy Summers.So let her tell you about 'IT'.
1. Default Chapter

I *could* start my story with the cliché 'Once Upon A Time'. In fact I want to. But that's the way all fairy tales begin. And my life is about as far away from a fairy tale as it is possible to get.  
  
'Once Upon A Time' is for romantic fools who believe their Prince Charmings will sweep them off their feet and they'll ride off together into the sunset. I used to be one of those girls. For sometime I used to believe in that sentimental crap. As you can see now my outlook has changed completely. What happens after the happy couple rides into that sunset? Jobs? Kids? Divorce? Probably. And usually not in that order. So I ask you what good is it to have 'Once Upon A Time' if you can't have 'Happily Ever After' as well?  
  
Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Buffy Summers and I will be your pilot this evening. We will be experiencing a lot of technical and emotional difficulties throughout this journey through my screwy life. It promises to be a rough ride. Please fasten your seatbelts.  
  
*********** 'But Buffy it's your *wedding* day'.  
  
I know Willow is my best friend but at that moment I had the overpowering urge to wring her neck. And then slap her. Hard.  
  
What did she think I was? Stupid? I knew as well as anyone what was happening. I mean it was *my* wedding after all. Mom had only cried on my shoulder a good fifty times. And the puffy white dress simply *screamed* 'Here comes the Bride'.  
  
Oh no! *I* had no clue I was supposed to be getting married in twenty minutes. Yeah right!  
  
I was angry. Infuriated even. But for some inexplicable reason tears were cascading down my cheeks. Woah! Who opened what tap and for how long!  
  
'But Willow I *can't*!' I lamented burying my head in her shoulder.  
  
'Buffy, honey you'll spoil your hair', Willow cooed as if those was the most soothing of all comforting words. Well, wonder of wonders! They were not, are not and never will be! My sobs grew longer and louder.  
  
'It's just that.I'm n-not r-ready for marriage! I can't even l-look after m- my dog wahhhhhhhhhh.'  
  
'Buffy a husband is a *tad* bit different from a dog,' Willow said a little impatiently.  
  
'You gotta help me change the date of the wedding, Wills,' I managed to sniffle out.  
  
I gave Willow my kicked-puppy cum resolve face 'combination look'. It never fails. Five minutes before the wedding we came up with a plan..  
  
********  
  
The writer of the story got bored waiting for update so she created her own story. Un-beated. Flames and positive feedback are both welcome. 'Lose Yourself' is also being worked upon with vigour. 


	2. Chapter 1

You know what I think when I hear the word 'wedding'?  
  
I think of cake.  
  
A big, white, many layered cake with two ridiculous looking dolls perched atop it.  
  
That's it.  
  
Just cake.  
  
And lately I'd been hearing the word 'wedding' a whole lot, visions of that majestic, intimidating cake were driving me insane.  
  
Which was actually part of the reason I wanted out of the wedding, at least temporarily.  
  
I felt I would probably throw up during the reception.  
  
The big 'wedding' reception that my dad and Angel had so meticulously planned out. Like it was a great play and I was the leading lady, expected to know my lines perfectly.  
  
All this talk about wedding cake probably sounds weird to you. Which it is.  
  
But, hey, I'm a weird person.  
  
Not romantic. I'd never have called myself romantic.  
  
But I'd always had this wedding thing figured out in my mind.  
  
Except I called it 'marriage'.  
  
And it was small.  
  
And intimate.  
  
And spontaneous.  
  
Not planned and rehearsed.  
  
I remember when I was fifteen one of my friends had asked me to design her wedding dress. (This was when I was going through my 'When I grow up I'm going to be a fashion designer' stage.)  
  
And I remember thinking that an elopement sounded so much more romantic than a mapped out wedding.  
  
Not romantic.  
  
Appealing.  
  
I'm not romantic.  
  
So there I was. Juliet to perfection, like Willow had instructed.  
  
Just lying limp on the floor, eyes closed, looking to all the world like a giant Barbie doll in the stifling white dress, while my ex-boyfriend, fiancé and father all crowded around me talking worriedly.  
  
Oh, don't fool yourselves into thinking they were worried about me. No they were worried about stalling the guests and if I would remember my vows (which dad had written by the by)  
  
Well, Angel and dad were.  
  
I guess Riley must have been worried about me.  
  
Then again he always worried about me. Even after we broke up ad he got married. You see, he was my doctor.  
  
Word of advice, things get very weird if you've slept with your doctor.  
  
Yeah so they were standing over me and arguing away.  
  
I could feel Xander and Anya hovering around in the background.  
  
Willow, probably, hadn't told them what was really happening.  
  
Which was good. I guess.  
  
The less people involved the better.  
  
'Mr Summers, I'm sorry to say this,' Riley began in his 'I'm a doctor' voice. 'But I don't think it's wise for Buffy to go through with the wedding at this stage.'  
  
'Stage?' I heard dad question angrily, 'what stage?'  
  
'Yeah what stage?' Angel echoed my dad. Angel echoes my dad a lot. Its called kissing ass.  
  
I could almost see Riley puff up with importance.  
  
He's got this thing where he seems to think that every time he's diagnosing someone people are going to rush up to him and hand him a Nobel Prize.  
  
'I believe,' he began impressively,' that Buffy is suffering from stress disorder.'  
  
I almost gave myself away at that point. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from laughing. Oh great going Doctor Finn!  
  
'..dark circles under her eyes and the limpness of the hair? Too skinny. Not eating enough I imagine'.  
  
Riley rambled on and on pointing out how terrible I looked while my mirth dissipated, to be replaced by indignation.  
  
Hello! The 'dark circles' were the 'in' thing described in all the magazines from 'Elle' to 'Cosmo'. My hair was done up in the latest fashion! It was *supposed* to look like that! And can I help it if I don't put on weight even if I eat a horse?  
  
Doctor my ass!  
  
'...should get some relaxation. Send her to the beach house in Sunnydale.'  
  
That was my dad's voice.  
  
Shit! What the hell had I missed?  
  
****************  
  
Spuffyness coming up.  
  
I really need to know what you guys think. This is totally different from 'Lose Yourself' and I've never done a first person before. Tell me what y'all think. This is very personal stuff I'm writing here. Review! 


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